Archive for August, 2007

How to Have An Argument About the Washing Up

By admin, 30 August, 2007, 15 Comments

In response to the lovely Antonia’s very amusing amuses bouches on domestic dingdongs (plural, singular, not sure, I never said I could spell French anyway) BlagLady offers some tips of her own to the fracas/melee(see above)/literary canon.

How to Have an Argument About the Washing Up

Do not do the washing up.
This is important.
If you find you must
do the washing up,
do no do it well.
Oversoap the water and
stack the crockery without rinsing
so dirty suds flood the draining board
and slop on to the floor.
Or rinse it under the tap, plate by bowl
with the water running down the plughole
as if there were no tomorrow.
If you are confident that your opponent is suitably riled
then you may wish to exacerbate matters.
A broken teapot lid is an instructive example.
After the lid has been carelessly shattered
(minute shards could show up later)
you may resolve to keep the teapot -
perhaps it has sentimental value?
The teapot will then serve
as a smart reminder for years to come.
If you are lucky it may even provoke
further arguments about the washing up
that are historical in nature
and therefore tricky to defend.
An argument concerning an incident
just about to happen
is ideal for obvious reasons
while dried yolk between tines
is a subtle yet inevitable precursor
in skilled hands.
However, if ongoing domestic discord is required
my original advice stands:
do not do the washing up.

Wrong Answer Seeks Right Question

By admin, 20 August, 2007, 6 Comments

for long walks in the country, candlelit dinners at expensive restaurants, friendship and maybe more…

Project Curious continues. Any questions for these answers?

A1. Because it is addictive and when you are on it you turn into a zombie & in some cases it can lead to mental trauma & schizophrenia & killing sprees.

A2. Clear and blue as if it were September. Answer no 2: Muddy Bottom.

A3. Because they like to sit on their tails!

A4. Sex and mangoes – fresh and juicy.

A5. I went to the shop, chopped back the buddleia and ate some salad: at last I have the answer. You’ve wet the bed. X

 

Any answers for these questions?

Q1. When was the first coop formed, by whom, and for what reason?

Q2. Why can’t politicians just give a yes or no answer to a simple question?

Q3. Why is belly button fluff blue?

By the way: I have also posted about the techie stuff/process on my teaching blog Urban Bloggers – for those interested in such matters – access via sidebar.

 

That is the question

By admin, 17 August, 2007, 2 Comments

Nokia and the Poetry Society asked me to take part in Project Curious which was about phones, text, poets and content. Being a Nokia nerd with my N95 I was bang up for it. So I sent out a text asking people to ‘ask me a question, any question, and I will answer it if I can’. The result was a day long texting frenzy where Blag Lady answered everything from ‘what is the meaning of life?’ to ‘what does my finger smell of?’. The answer is of course, Copydex. Anyway there were other even more weird and wonderful queries for me to address. And over the next week I’ll be sharing them here. However, I thought you might like to see the user-generated content in poem form.

thatisthequestion.jpg

Yours is the question I cannot answer

i)
I will not be in Poland.
I would like to be in Poland.
Are you in Poland?

ii)
What can a meeting of twenty-five people
for eight hours
achieve?

iii)
Why do you want to ask me a question?
I am collecting questions.
Any question?
There are no simple questions.

iv)
Does God exist?
Yes.
Do you have proof?
Yes.
How do you know?
I am afraid the answer is another meeting.

I only know that I must do this before I die.
I cannot go back to the time
when I could turn back time.
I am afraid -

v)
Should I bother with her or not?
You know what they say:
there is no smoke without fire.

vi)
Bother her until you get what you want
but if it is too much bother and not enough get
then don’t bother unless you are in it for the bother.

vii)
Why is red meat red and white meat white?
Shall I get a fringe?
Should I finish things with Bill?

viii)
Often I dream of seas:
vast, deep, slowly undulating water.
Usually at night but there is enough moonlight to see the horizon.
Water is all around – I am not afraid
but warm and comfortable.
What could it be?

ix)
A being’s, esp a person’s, animate existence
viewed as a possession
of which one is deprived by death.

x)
What is the best thing
that could happen to you this year?

xi)
Many thanks maybe next weekend.