In response to the lovely Antonia’s very amusing amuses bouches on domestic dingdongs (plural, singular, not sure, I never said I could spell French anyway) BlagLady offers some tips of her own to the fracas/melee(see above)/literary canon.
How to Have an Argument About the Washing Up
Do not do the washing up.
This is important.
If you find you must
do the washing up,
do no do it well.
Oversoap the water and
stack the crockery without rinsing
so dirty suds flood the draining board
and slop on to the floor.
Or rinse it under the tap, plate by bowl
with the water running down the plughole
as if there were no tomorrow.
If you are confident that your opponent is suitably riled
then you may wish to exacerbate matters.
A broken teapot lid is an instructive example.
After the lid has been carelessly shattered
(minute shards could show up later)
you may resolve to keep the teapot -
perhaps it has sentimental value?
The teapot will then serve
as a smart reminder for years to come.
If you are lucky it may even provoke
further arguments about the washing up
that are historical in nature
and therefore tricky to defend.
An argument concerning an incident
just about to happen
is ideal for obvious reasons
while dried yolk between tines
is a subtle yet inevitable precursor
in skilled hands.
However, if ongoing domestic discord is required
my original advice stands:
do not do the washing up.
Do you mind if I print this out and stick it up in the kitchen at home?
really like that one really funny. You need a dishwasher. My favourite possession. Like the references to history. Hope that’s my influence. In fact even if it isn’t I’ll pretend it is.
if the poem has a place beneath a fridge magnet so much the better! Tattontastic: I HAVE a dishwasher…of two legged variety
it just moans a lot. Your influence is exerting itself on the historical front fear not! Very much so.